You are different today, but I’m okay with it. I learned how to deal with the change that endured in and around you. I’m still thankful that were friends and for what our friendship is today. We didn’t lose our friendship, but you lost me in a sense.
”You’re different now, I could tell right away. You don’t care anymore. You live day to day. Drugs, sex and alcohol is all that matters to you. You had me, but you lost that too.” - Unknown
You’re my level of difficulty; the level where I tend to get stuck on time and time again, not knowing what to do to get pass. You’re as difficult as finding a needle in a hay stack. I just can’t seem to find my way with you or around you. It’s like I’m trying to run through a brick wall or climb over it with nothing but my hands and feet. You’re the kind of person that makes me think twice over my actions and words. The things that you’re capable of doing to me just by the tone of your voice or the way you move around me could make me a whole different person. It’s like you make me for the better by going around the bush sometimes, if not by being straight up by yelling at me. I prefer to be asked rather than told but with you, it doesn’t seem to matter because which ever you do, I seem to listen and hear you out.
That’s the problem with you and me, your simplest words and actions confuse and frustrate me. Your every word and action makes me analyze it so closely that puts me into a frenzy of emotional panic. Over the others and over my pride, I choose you time and time again but even over my pride, I know that regardless, if you do me wrong that I won’t let you take my pride. Even if someone is standing at my door step asking me to be more than just a friend to them, I will stand there staring at them thinking to myself, “Do I get the feeling? Does he sincerely mean what he says and does?” And amongst those thoughts, the one question of whether you will approve or not will still run through my head. I feel an obligation to take your word and thoughts into consideration because some part of me tells me that as stupid as the things you do and say can be, that when it comes to someone else you care about that your actions and words speak for you. I’ve learned that when you’re upset, angry, worried or disappointed with me that everything you say and do changes from the person I know you as, just like the way you’re different when you’re happy and excited for me. You watch out for me when you can and I know that, although it doesn’t hurt for you to say it more often. Our lives put us on two different planets where it seems when it’s day for me, it’s night for you. Whenever you’re free, I’m busy, and whenever I’m free, you’re busy.
We live in almost opposite worlds where our times don’t seem to cross over. That being the base of our lack of communication, it’s limiting us to a minimal amount of time to talk - whether it’s talking in person, over the phone, through texting, on Facebook or on MSN. The reason for why we don’t hang out or talk much anymore is because we’re busy with our own lives we live apart. That, that I understand. I understand that we have our own lives aside from being apart of each other’s lives. The thing that troubles me to comprehend is how two people that are such good friends, the best of friends, and maybe even something beyond that, seem to run back to each other time and time again without falling apart in all the time spent not speaking and spent away from each other physically. Maybe that’s the power of a relationship with someone that’s a real friend even though they put up a front.
I am strong as I am today all thanks to you. You’ve opened my eyes to a world I never once saw before we had met and spoken about all the unthinkable things in the world. I don’t know how we got this far but maybe it is like you said, if it weren’t for what we put each other through – the fussing, fighting, loving and all, than we wouldn’t be right here. Two years ago we met and ever since, we’ve got along right from the get go. We hit it off real good since we met that August, right out of the ball park in fact. I don’t think anybody can explain exactly what our friendship is like; it’s just about impossible to pin point what it is precisely. Maybe someone that’s on the outside looking in can give it a long shot to even begin trying to explain us. By chance, someone might just be able to put the things we can’t into words of their own in a way that we couldn’t have said it any better if we were to find the right words to put together into sentences that would probably become run-on ones.
People lie but evidence doesn’t and that’s the truth. Maybe you do lie to your friends, family and maybe sometimes, even to me. But that doesn’t change the evidence – the truth. If you love someone, you won’t stop to watch them pass you by. You will stop at nothing, nor will you let any challenge or obstacle obstruct you from getting to them. If your gut tells you to stay, than stay, your gut feeling will serve you right more than the times your head will. Your gut is as strong as your heart when it comes to doing the right or best thing for you.
We’re both looking for love in the wrong places when at the end of the day and in the back of our heads, we know we’re meant to be. “If there’s a will, there’s a way.” There will almost always be a way with us because we’re like Chuck and Blair, we’re meant to be together, no matter what happens. You can be strip naked of your feelings, emotions, words and actions with me without worrying the slightest bit. You’re too big of a part of my life that despite the mistakes you make and that I make, we always make it through it and forgive each other. I fear that if I don’t forgive you that you’ll just walk out on me, but you’ve reassured me that you’d never do that to me. I choose you in the end. Even if someone else is gold, you’re always going to mean the world to me and if they can’t accept that then it’s too bad for them because I can’t have someone against what we have after all the things we go through and have been through.
