I’m by no means perfect but I personally believe that ‘perfect’ is a state of mind self defined differently by each person. Maybe I’m not perfect but I can be perfect for you.
(Source: staypozitive)
I don’t like fighting with you, and this fight we’re having is getting to be too much. We’ve never fought like this before, it’s never lasted overnight. This time we’ve gone overnight and fighting into the night. I’m frustrated with this fussing and fighting when it’s unnecessary. It’s been so hard to bring you back to me since you lost your heart. I knew this game of guilt would do us no good, we need to stop complicating things. I wanna keep us simple and I want to keep the romantic investment we have.
I’ve put you first before everything a countless number of times and even after my long day of double shifts, I’m still spending the last few hours of my already 16 hour day with you. You admit you put me through these disputes because you want more, you’re fighting for more with me because this hasn’t reached satisfaction when the fact is satisfaction takes expressing love that does not stop. It’s so depressing saying bye to you everytime after I see you. I never know when I’ll get see you again, it’s a big mystery. Given that, you bring to light how neither of us like to say bye. You self-proclaimed that you never like seeing me go. If I had the choice, or if we had the choice, we never would say bye, but some forces of the world obligate us to say bye temporarily to act upon the rest of our lives. Goodnight babe to another good night with you, until next time
I tried to make a point with you but instead you made your point that I’m awesome and that of course I’m the person you like doing nothing with but there are other people you like to do nothing with too. I just wanted to make my point that I’m happy that I’m one of the people you want to hang out with and being one you want to hang out with is an honour. You can tell me that I’m weird for arguing with you but I don’t think it should surprise you and you said it doesn’t. You accepted my friend request three years ago, and now, five years later I think you’ve accepted me.
You would have loved to hang out with me and get that hug but you were tired and so was I. It feels like our potential plans are so unlikely now that I’m starting to doubt them but given today, I understood that it was just a complete chance since you did have a rough day and you told me that you were tired when I got home from work. I don’t want to doubt you but lately I’ve felt like our potential hang outs are falling on the unlikely side. You don’t like being doubted but it’s inevitable given the number of times our hang outs have actually fallen through with happening lately. Tonight was too risky for me to be over given the situation with your family and the number of guests staying with you. You wanted to prove my doubts wrong that we would hang out but it’d involve me either keeping you up or falling asleep with you. Given that I’m in zombie mode, it would be me being there to give you that hug and then falling asleep next to you.
I didn’t expect tonight to happen given you had a long day you didn’t enjoy and you said you were tired, I just prepared myself for the chance that I might see you today even prior to talking to you. I wasn’t calling you out or challenging you; I don’t believe in challenging people itself, not just challenging you. Why test people? If they’re going to follow through and do and be what they say they are then let it be, it’s unnecessary to go out of your way to test them. You wanted to sleep after a while and I joked around by guilt tripping you with what you said to me to guilt trip me a few nights ago. I only did it because you did it to me and I did it jokingly tonight. You called me on it as completely guilt tripping you so you just said that I might as well just sleepover so my complaining guilt trip would be invalid. You started to plan on getting out of bed to open the door but I knew tonight wasn’t the night to be a ninja in prison. You began to create a plan for me to be over for a few hours even though there were so many risks tonight. I feel that even if I made it into the prison that a lock on the door wouldn’t be much help in the case of needing to escape.
We’ve talked about it so many times now but in a few months half of these concerns we have will not be of concern for a good month or so. The prison’s trying to keep me out until that month arrives. You asked me over and over tonight to be over and you ended up admitting that the guilt tripping you did to me a few nights ago you were allowed to do stuff like so given that night’s state and that I didn’t have that same excuse right now. As jokingly as it sounded about you wanting me over at first, you were dead serious. I ignored that for a moment as I stated my point that I should ignore all you say sometimes and yet again you refused my statement with the truth. You meant every word you said that night of the guilt tripping, and it meant everything to me that those words were the truth. I asked you why you keep guilt tripping me lately and your response was that you know I’m too awesome and I’d give in and that I’m too good to you, which was a compliment from you but irritated me tonight. For once I didn’t let you just tell me I’m awesome in your eyes. I can let you tell me that and whatever I want to hear but I don’t want you to take it that you’ll always get your way despite everything with pulling those cheap shots. You’re right though when you say that if you always had your way that I’d have been laying next to you already, it wasn’t up to you this time.
A stealth person could have done what I’d do to get into that prison but there wasn’t anyone else you wanted. You admitted to wanting me there and it was the reason for all the bickering. You also admitted that I’m the only one who’s ever been there and that you figured it all out for me. I need to trust your word on that because no part of me can even doubt that it was for any other reason or person when you did it over a month ago when I know you did it all for me. In the midst of it all I wanted you to know that I’m ever going to be one in the group list and that I’d rather disappear than be one of them. You yet again asked me if I trusted you but don’t pull that on me. Never abuse that, ever. Never abuse the trust. Don’t take advantage of the fact you know the trust is there. All you wanted to tell me was that I was awesome, the one you wanted to be with, the only one that’s ever been in, and the one you figured things out for. I’m sorry I made it hard for you to tell me that tonight, I’m just starting to have my fears. I want to be there with you and it is heart warming to know that you can confess to me that you want me there with you.
Sometimes you make me want to strangle you but at the end of the day I’m still with you with the biggest smile ever. You tell me that even when I do want to strangle you that you welcome me with open arms to be there with you and do whatever I choose. I’m with you no matter what. I’m sure I put a smile on your face tonight with the bickering though. Thank you for always putting up with me even when I don’t know what I’m arguing with you for or about and I’ll make spend a night in the prison when there’s less prison guards. And you’re welcome, I’m happy to be in your life and to be your angel. Appreciate you day to day.
You were my first fight, you were the first person I fought for and that I fought for over and over again. I miss you so much and I’m happy to be talking to you every few days, let’s keep this up and go back to our regular nights spent talking on the phone for hours. Always going to persist through and be friends.
