I’ll take the physical pain over the emotional pain any kind of day. Wounds hurts and scars remain but we’re a lot tougher in strength than we think. As for the emotional state, it’s the unbearable feeling you can’t hold or do anything about. It’s like you’re trying to rip your heart but you can’t.
Numb.
I’m living in a cycle where I always end up losing. I lose the ones I care about and the ones I love even when I appreciate them and show them that. It seems that I care too much that I just end up hurt everytime with everyone.
I’m by no means perfect but I personally believe that ‘perfect’ is a state of mind self defined differently by each person. Maybe I’m not perfect but I can be perfect for you.
(Source: staypozitive)
Here I am, with my heart covered in bruises. And I won’t sugarcoat anything.
If you were to leave me right now, I would probably fall apart. I will be the girl who stares out the window with eyes that are empty and a blank expression plastered upon her face. I will be the girl who asks herself “Why…” for many nights to come, with the tears inevitably falling.
You have no idea how important you are to me. The permanent place that I carved for you inside of my heart. Those nights where I felt so homesick and all alone…you were there. 500 miles away, but you were still there. And just hearing your voice made me feel that much closer to home. When I felt like giving up on certain things in life, you were there to keep pushing me. You believed in me more than I believed in myself. And I can never thank you enough for that.
I’ve done things with you that I’ve never done with anyone else. I told you things that I never planned on telling anyone. Not only are you my lover, but you’re almost like…my best friend. And if I lose you, I wouldn’t know which part of you I’ll be more scared to lose.
Sometimes I feel as if maybe if I had just stamped on my pride earlier, I wouldn’t be losing you right now. Or maybe if I have said things different, or even done things differently, that maybe you’ll change your mind and tell me that I’m the only one you want. In my head, I’m pleading for you to stay. I’m mentally on my knees, begging for you to stay. But my lips speak of nothing as I accept what’s before me…or at least I try to accept it anyway.
Tonight, I feel so numb. I’m lying on my floor wishing you were here…if only you saw the state that I am in, maybe you’ll change your mind. But never will I want you to feel as if you should be with me because you feel bad…I want you to be with me because you genuinely want to be with me.
I love you. Plain and simple, I love you. I would do everything over again if I could. I wouldn’t take back a single kiss or word. You can see it in my eyes, I want you to stay.
But if you leave…well, you know. I’ll fall apart. But I think…I will be okay. I’ve been in this position before. I’m going to wake up one day and realize that my heart doesn’t hurt anymore. If you leave, I’ll fall apart. But I won’t be broken forever.
